a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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