i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
