so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
