I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
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