meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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