some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
