im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
