I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
