What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize