idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
