Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
