so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
