I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
