i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
