Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
