Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize