omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
