HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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