At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
