she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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