I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
