Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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