your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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