I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You're a waste of cheezeits
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
