I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
