And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
