if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
