No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
