In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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