It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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