My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
