Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
