im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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