This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
True strength comes from lack of pants
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
