Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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