you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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