I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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