idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
