A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
