You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
