i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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