Swine flu. Run for my life!
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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