I wanna passion pit in your ass
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
