The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize