Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Randomize
