youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
