i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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