This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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