He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
