I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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