Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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