So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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