meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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