I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
