there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I am never drinking with the goths again.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
