she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
