Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
