I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
