My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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