my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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