How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
