he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
