she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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