She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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