hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize