yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize