Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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