I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Let's paint friendship bongs
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
