remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
third nipple confirmed
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
