nut hugger
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
