At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
