does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
